And So It Seems
by ImpalaLove
Summary: A little bit of poetry, but mostly just a story told from Dean's perspective. "It starts the way things always do; a progression of steps from one to one thousand all crisscrossed over one another and stuttered and not quite forming a straight line."


**SPN spoilers up to season 5 (just to be safe). Dean's POV.**

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 _And So It Seems_

1\. How it Begins

It starts the way things always do; a progression of steps from one to one thousand all crisscrossed over one another and stuttered and not quite forming a straight line

There are tire tracks too, worn into the dirt and the snow and even the pavement sometimes when he takes a corner too sharply or when the brakes squeal in protest on a close-call or quick maneuver.

Seems his life is full of close calls and quick maneuvers.

2\. A Long Time Comes and Goes

It continues the way he expects it to; a progression of tragedies that strip him bare and throw him into an ocean he can only hope to drown in, fraught with all the things he'd never admit to fearing.

Redemption as his only raft, and he clings to it with a desperation reserved for those who cannot seem to pull enough oxygen into burning lungs.

There are good memories too, scattered amongst the bad, and sometimes he can use those as his stepping-stones, but it still feels like he's just waiting to run out of escape routes,

crawling just above those endless crashing waves as the sun sinks below, drowning the world in shadow.

Seems he knows the dark all too well.

3\. The Fall

It happens the way he always knew it would with a life like his; a quick progression that starts with one small mistake. He has always known that is all it takes but now is different because he expected maybe just a little bit longer. Time to sort through the madness in his mind and the regrets that weigh heavily inside his beating heart and pump along the veins that now bleed out into the open air, spilling red onto rock and tears onto sleeves.

Seems he is bound to blood, as always.

4\. The Way Back Up

It changes so suddenly he almost forgets that moments ago, he was on the edge of life's end.

There are stitches in his side and they are not the ones you get from laughing, and his brother has those wrinkles on the sides of his eyes, but those are probably not from laughing either. They will get back to that eventually though, he thinks, but he has to learn to breathe again before he can wrangle enough air for one of the jokes his brother hates but secretly loves, the swiftly tilting words that procure a tired smile from worried lips.

Seems he'll always be good at some things.

5\. But Then Life is a Roller Coaster

It doesn't matter how much they fight back against all those things that threaten the inner layers of their lives, because he's realized there's always more to come, always more to come.

Sometimes the bleeding is internal.

He remembers a storm brewing within the walls of a motel room, one he doesn't think ever really went away the way most storms should. Too many clouds filled with too much to spill, so the pressure builds and the drops fall and pretty soon the lightning comes and splits things like trees and pipelines and bloodlines in half.

Seems running does nothing to keep him from getting drenched, and it doesn't feel like something as harmless as raindrops.

6\. How it Ends

It ends on top of shards of broken glass and he's lucky they don't puncture a lung or stick into the vertebrae of his curving spine, but somehow the pain is still the worst he's ever felt, and the slam of the door is so loud it blinds.

The world is tilting

and there are black dots dancing inside the corners of his eyes as he gasps and pulls in air enough to scream and slam his fist down on one of those broken shards. The piece stays inside his skin and the blood leaks onto already ruined carpet and for some goddamn reason he's suddenly worried about how the hotel manager will feel when he sees the mess.

Seems he's never gotten the hang of holding onto what's important.

7. When the Ground Drops Out

It makes him think of the time his little brother jumped off the roof of the shed and broke his arm, his Batman cape fluttering in the wind and almost looking like real wings.

He's doing a lot of screaming lately and this is the same as the last time minus the broken glass because his brother still can't hear him until it's too late and the last nails have been sealed into the coffin that encases all.

He never expected the end of the world to be so beautiful, but he did expect it to be terrifying and it is both of those things in equal measure: bright, white light and the black pupils of a midnight sky with no dawn. This is something he has never seen and it may be the last image captured by doomed eyes, so he does what he always does and finds the wide eyes and the long sleeve of his brother.

Seems they were always meant to begin and end together.

8\. How it Never Really Ends?

It all begins again in much the same way as the ending, and he inhales a sharp, unexpected breath.

He'd thought the one before it had been his last.

Apparently there is more asphalt on this road than originally seen, and the only choice now is to keep driving on it until it drops out. He imagines that will be soon, but he won't know for sure, and in the meantime the world is scarier than it has ever been. New monsters to fight and unspoken words to outrun. And this time he doesn't know if he can trust the person in the passenger seat, the little brother whose pupils went black.

He navigates the way with a crooked compass and an unsteady hold on everything he thought he used to know.

Seems beginning and ending together involves more than just the endings.

Seems they have to find a way to begin again.


End file.
